Looking Ahead with a smile

It is safe to say my thoughts are as scattered as a deck of cards thrown up in the air. Like that deck of cards has the same count in each suit, two color groupings, and four of each number or face card- there is also consistency amongst my scattered thoughts. I have come to that conclusion after trying to focus on one central topic to write about for this piece. However, in each assessment of my thoughts, right when I am determined to really dissect that central topic further to put down on paper, my mind files it and opens up a new file. Sticking to the reference of cards before, it's like right when I find 50 cards and am about to pick up the next 2, I throw the deck up again. Amongst the craziness that is my scattered brain I find that all the topics concern my future. Whether it be what I want to do as far as a career, what I am going to make for dinner, or what workout I should do; all I do is dream, wonder, and fantasize about what is to come of me, not what I have already done. Surely, I find myself thinking about the past, but majority of the time I find that I am in such a place of choice and freedom of what to do and who to become. I think it is safe to say that most recent college graduates are stuck in a place like this, yet I also think that people of all ages have the same thoughts. Are we truly satisfied with our present place? I think it is how you personally view your current existence. Overall I am extremely happy and more specifically am referring to my recent freedom of where to go from this point on.

If you woke up one day and knew exactly what you wanted to do, as far as a profession, then I can't relate to you. It may be because an array of subjects and careers always interested me, but not long enough to channel that direction solely. See spending most of time thinking about the future and what was to come overrode the time I could have spent planning about it. I more so relate to all the people you meet who say "I'm 47 and still don't know what I want to do when I grow up." I hear this statement from people at all random ages and think to myself either they hit a rest stop that they thought was worth making the destination point, or too many outside factors affected their original plan. Whatever the case this happens to many people and that rest stop turns out to be the best thing that ever happened to them.

After graduating from college in May and having what was to be my "first career move" as a professional volleyball player not happen has been the most exhilarating feeling. At the same time it is also the most terrifying feeling. I have heard that this feeling occurs well throughout your adult life. The day comes where you close the chapter on school, say good-bye to relying on parents for paying necessities and say good-bye to their insurance, and all alone in the world you are your own person. You are an adult who will soon have a mortgage, a retirement plan, and soon enough your own kids to provide for.

For me playing volleyball and submerging into different activities always occupied my time. When they all finally reached an end point it didn't hit me right away. Even graduating altogether didn't hit me until recently. I was consumed with thinking about what was to come and that now as I am in it, I really don't know what to do. This is specifically referring to the freedom I have to make choices about where I am really going and what life am I about to lead.

Fortunately, I am a dreamer and more importantly a believer. I see many options and more so the problem is that I have never had more freedom or choice in my entire life. I was an athlete and “involved”. Therefore, my college days didn’t have enough time in them to even get what I needed done! Dating back to elementary school I just wanted to play volleyball or at that time basketball, but also be in the school Christmas play. Up to this last summer I was still playing volleyball and this last semester of school helping younger friends get re-elected for Senate. Now, I am in the unknown. I have to search deep inside to categorize, visualize, and channel all of my energy and newly found open doors to the “real world” and not just UNM. I have to ask myself not what I want to do for a career, but HOW I am going to get there. Like practicing for a game, or studying for a test- what now is the game plan? I want so much of myself because isn’t a life of fulfillment one which is full of giving to others, work that you love, and people to influence?

What I do have for guidance is the trust and faith of God in the journey of life. My boyfriend always tells me to not base the success I want in life on how much money I will make, but rather on my relationship with God. With that I have to remind myself that I really have never questioned my parents happiness. They don’t complain really ever about their careers- other than when they get overly passionate. They make good money but after years of hard work and good ethics. Lastly, they have strong relationships with God. This alone gives me a great firsthand visual of motivation and guidance.

The other working aide on my journey that I think can help others is that nothing ever happens to you as much as you happen to something. This may sound confusing. More specifically, it’s like the movie the Pursuit of Happyness or Rudy. In order to get what we want whether it be a promotion, more playing time, or simply happiness at all in life- we must go get it or figure out a way to make it happen. I remember many games when I felt I wasn’t contributing and I felt like I couldn’t control it. I would look the sideline and be told “I don’t care what you do, figure out a way!” I would then resort to overly obnoxious cheering, waving my hands in the air when the opponent had serve, tell a player a joke if they were struggling, and a few times I would step in front of players and steal the dig. I didn’t like playing out of position all the time nor did I like resorting to foolish tricks to help my team. However, when we feel stuck, bored, at a plateau and/or simply unfilled playing out of position is the best cure to upward contentment. You must find a way and I must find a way. Nothing shows up on a silver platter unpaid for.

So into the unknown “real world” I venture. With me I have faith in God, solid visualizations, the understanding of work ethic, and enormous motivation. Surely, I have butterflies and wide-eyes of amazement of all the possibilities, paths, and places I could go. I look forward mostly to people I will meet, laughs I hope to fuel, and when all else fails the God I am closer to meeting.

(Hey, I do know if there is something missed along the journey I wanted to explore- I will just open a book or watch a movie! What a cool option, chaaa?)